I let my eyes laugh when I cannot

I am off to bathe and think.

312-523-4544.

Text me.

I tweet

@amarusprime

bvac:

laughterinmyeyes:

bvac:

laughterinmyeyes:

by someone who was supposed to save his life.

20 years ago.

Just so you know.

what happened, if you don’t mind talking about it -hug-

long story short…dad suffered a non-lethal injury at work. Needed to have his hand sewn up (more or less). Anestheseologist wasn’t paying attention and numbed his heart instead of his arm. I found a bunch of paperwork on it in our basement. Kind of rocked my world.

Oh my god, that’s terrible. and such a simple mistake. I am so sorry.

Thanks. I am just…thinking about it all. I was not quite 3.

bvac:

laughterinmyeyes:

by someone who was supposed to save his life.

20 years ago.

Just so you know.

what happened, if you don’t mind talking about it -hug-

long story short…dad suffered a non-lethal injury at work. Needed to have his hand sewn up (more or less). Anestheseologist wasn’t paying attention and numbed his heart instead of his arm. I found a bunch of paperwork on it in our basement. Kind of rocked my world.

by someone who was supposed to save his life.

20 years ago.

Just so you know.

-Brendan Peterson

fogcitymaverick:

Thanks Amaris.

RADICAL!

will not repair. My dad died when I was quite small, thus leaving a gap in my life.  I have a daddy complex. I don’t have sex with the guys that I date…I just date a lot. I don’t fool around with them too much either. It scares me senseless. I know why I look for that person that lights up when they see me. I know why I want someone to protect me no matter. I know why I am on a constant search for someone to love/care/want me just as I am.

Because that’s generally what dads do.

That is why I love Bryan. Because I don’t have to be anyone but me.

That is why I love(d) Christian so much. Because I allowed myself to be fooled into thinking that that gap had finally been filled.

I feel so lost. I know what is wrong with me.  It’s fixing it that I am lost on. I understand that God needs to be first in my life, and most of the time He is. But some days…I ache for someone to hold me. I don’t know how to get past it.

Thanks for reading (if you did)

and I still feel you in my brain.

I don’t want to love you. You clearly don’t/never loved me.

GTFO.